I Moved!!!

Beauty Undone has moved. I had been debating a move for a little while, and have taken the leap. After asking a few friends what they thought of the new format, and dinking around on it a while, I decided that I could better serve and write from Word Press. So as of today I will be doing just that!
This blog will still be up for a while, but will no longer have new postings.
To visit the new Beauty Undone go here :


Beauty Undone

Thanks! Hope you enjoy the new look, feedback is always welcome!

Life Changes....So Do I

I have also updated the Who I Am page here on my blog.
As life changes so do I. So please if you haven't, take a minute to get to know a little bit about me.

Perfectionism Causes Fear

As I have worked to change my blog, and my thinking about my blog, I have been praying for wisdom, for direction, and for His will concerning this space. I have a bit of an idea about what Father is asking of me. Yet, I have been hesitating. It seems there is more I should know about making this space His. This morning I was wondering though, what if the hesitation is not in questioning what He wants anymore, but in my need for perfection? I know what He is asking of me. I know that Father wants me to make this space in my life a place of encouragement. A place where scripture flows through it. A place that points all (including myself) right to Him. Easy enough right? :P

So if I know all of these things, it occurred to me that I must be delaying because I am letting my perfectionism get in the way. In the last week I have formed several blog posts ~ in my head. Why have I not put them here? Well, there is the excuse about how drained I have felt this week....but it is just an excuse right? Really though, I know it is because I want this place to be perfect before I come in, and share. Perfectionism, is a nasty thing! It delays the Father's work in your life!  I don't know how it effects you, but for me perfectionism usually results in a paralyzing fear. If I feel I cannot get something done totally right, then I am afraid of starting it at all. Tell me I'm not alone in this, people! Another way it hinders me is, I spend so much time trying to make something perfect,then I lose sight of what God is calling me to focus on in the first place!  Yet this has never been how God has works in my life. Why I thought it would be this time is beyond me :D  Father doesn't wait for us to be perfect before He shares with us, so why I thought that was the case this time....I have no idea!

So here is the thing, I am going to dive back into this blog. Work through my fears, and set to work doing what Father is asking of me!!

 You will also notice some changes in format. I want a place that looks right to the Father, and I have noticed that the less cluttered my blog is the more I can just focus on the words. So I thought I would try keeping it simple for a while.

Here is my question to you.....
What things has Father asked of you that you are delaying because of perfectionism or fear???

Steps, and a Video

Overwhelmed.
This is how I feel at this very moment. Only pull.

It has been a day of ups and downs. Good, slow, simple moments interrupted by stressful, disobedient, lonely moments. I wonder what it is that I am doing wrong? Why this struggle of maintaining a peaceful life ( 1 Peter 3:11 Turn away from evil and do good Search for peace, and work to maintain it.) and the rhythms of grace

( Matthew 11:30  Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.")

Oh to live freely and lightly! What leads me away from the quietness I so long for?

I am not firmly set. That is my biggest problem. My feet sink and slide, allowing me to be pushed and pulled in every direction. I don't see who I am or what I am to be doing with myself, my time. So I allow myself, my time, to be thrown about aimlessly. Only to hit and miss what my Father is asking of me.

I am not firm in Him, seeking Him for my every movement. Leaning towards His voice for my daily instruction. I seem to take a hit and miss approach for that too.

My heart beats wildly in panic as I try to gain control of the chaos around me. As I rush from one thing to the next attempting to fulfill my idea of what my place in this world should be. The idea that seems to be handed to every woman out there: keep busy, keep moving, there is no stopping, no rest. It's your job to keep running.

But is it really? Or should I be still? Planted firmly in my Father for my steps to be chosen my Him? Even the small filling the dishwasher, daily jobs, day in and day out steps. Should I be daily taking my cues from the whisper of  His spirit in my ear? Seeking Him with my every move to make sure that all my steps are given by Him? Father when will I understand that my every move should be a response to the sound of your voice in my life? When will I see that the only steps I should be taking are toward you? That all my moments are meant to be given back to you? Teach me that.
(This was taken directly out of my personal journal.)

On another note: Ann Voskamp writes the blog Holy Experience. I have found her writing to be nothing short of the Father speaking grace through her words. She just released a book: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Freely Right Where You Are.  I could tell you about it, but she does a much better job at that! Please watch the video. I did not plan for it to go with this post, but  Father knows what He is doing! I hope it challenges you. Enjoy.

One more note: There are still changes coming to this blog-even still the possibility of a blog address change. I have just been slow going at this, as I have still been seeking what God wants me to do in this space.

To Better Encourage You

It's a new year, and my thoughts are in complete chaos! I have been putting a lot of time into praying, thinking, and trying to prepare for what God has for me in the next year. There are some changes He is asking of me. Some I have already started, and some I am still trying to figure out how to execute. I have many blog post ideas running rampant in my head. I am going to start working on them soon, and am very excited about it!

One thing I wanted to make you aware of is; this blog will be changing. I have been very impressed by Father that there is so much He wants from this space in my life. So much that I could be giving, and even receiving through it, and so much that He is asking of me. In order to do that better I am spending some time with Him, seeking what He wants for this blog, and then the changes will come.  To better serve my Father in this space I will be making changes to the blog's format, the content, and possibly moving the blog altogether. Hang in there with me, please!! I hope to make this place better as a source of encouragement, praise, learning, study, with a little bit of me thrown in :D

One more thing I wanted to make you all aware of today is a series I have been reading for a while.
A Woman Inspired  is an amazing woman's ministry that has been putting out 31 day blogging series for a few months now. Several wonderful, and well know bloggers are chosen to write 31 days of posts on a topic related to the focus.
Through out the month of November I loved reading one bloggers 31 days of posting on Grace, and am now enjoying the new series. This month the focus is 31 Days of Ministry (Online)
Although I don't read every topic featured I have completely enjoyed, and been encouraged by the blogs that have focused on
Encouragement
Praise
and Intentional Parenting

I encourage you to go here and read through the different topics, check them out, and be encouraged!

The To Do List (and a few other random thoughts)

Our Internet is back on. Hurray! Christmas is quickly approaching. We are having windows installed tomorrow. The whole weekend will be full of family, and friends ( who really are family too )

This is what my currant to do list looks like for today through Thurs.:D

Clean house

Do laundry

Go grocery shopping

Finish Christmas shopping -Dad's gift (anyone have any ideas what to get him?)

Finish making Christmas gifts-Scarfs for Mom, G ma.

Sew together Robe for hubby - for those of you who do not know my history with sewing clothes, this is your cue to laugh- hysterically!

Go on a date - yea for date night!

Have my brothers over

Return movie rentals

Unpack boxes of books Yea! All done with that one!

Cook for family dinners - Peanut butter fudge, hummus, stuffed mushrooms, and more!

Have new windows installed

Wrap the rest of the gifts

So that is the next few days. Then there are all the gatherings to follow! :D Fun but very, very busy.

I am so grateful that we have our Internet back. I am wondering though if it maybe a good time to cut down on my blog reading. I was reading about 40ish a day and that was keeping it at a minimum for me, but I really don't have that much time. The issue is, who do I cut? ~Sigh~
I am also wishing for an "in my hands" bible study. I have been doing ones on line, and reading books, but I am ready to dig into a study that I can hold again....silly I know. Do you have any suggestions?

I was asking my mom just last night if she remembered a Christmas movie that she rented for us when I was young called : Christmas at Willow Creek. She did, but had no idea where to get it any more. It's a very old movie, and was not hugely popular. Well, after leaving my parents house last night my hubby needed something from the store, and wouldn't you know but it was there and on sale! I bought it, and can't wait to sit down with some cocoa and watch it. I love watching Christmas movies!

I could go on and on, but I really should get back to that list. What does your week look like?

Life in Paragrphs

Life has moved on in the last few months, and I have missing being able to write here. We have been with out Internet for over a month now, and while I have enjoyed the time to get things done. Time to separate myself from it for a while, and spend more time in the word, reading, and living life.....I am very much ready to have it back now! We made a commitment in our home to forgo Internet until there was a reliable income again. So far that has not happened, and so we are currently still with out.

 In the first week of November we moved....again. We left our lovely town that we wanted to stay in forever, well, at least for many years yet. We moved a half an hour south to an even more conservative Amish town. It is different. In some ways easier, and some harder. We now live in the country surrounded by a very small tourist attraction, and then....nothing. Our driveway puts us a third of a mile off the road. The space we now have is much bigger, and has taken some getting used to. But, it is a lovely home, and I enjoy taking care of it.

 My husband has still been looking for work. Having no stable income is a thing of trust, and concern all at the same time. It looks like his time of unemployment is coming to a close, as he has a possible job offer coming. We continue to pray for God's leading. He has been working on some drywall jobs the last few weeks. It keeps him gone, but that may also be coming to a close.

 My daughter continues to grow, and challenge me as a mother, an individual, and a follower of Christ. She says the craziest off the wall things, and lives in her own world of logic. I increasingly grow weary of being the person she hangs on most of the waking and sleeping hours, but I know this time will be brief, then she will be off, and needing me no more. I wonder often why God picked me to be her mother, and if He truly realized how short I would fall at showing Him to her. Then I think of course God knows how I struggle to bring her to Him at every opportunity. I ask for forgiveness, and grace, and I pick up my girl and hold her tight, and tell her of Jesus and His love. Later I fail again, over and over to guide her to Him, but there is always Grace. Thank you Father for your grace.

Christmas is quickly approaching and I seek to focus on the true reason for the celebration. I love this time of year, the snow, the baking, the music, the beauty, and even the gifts. I also want to keep Jesus fulling in the center. This is so hard. It is to easy to get caught up in the busyness, and forget to see the simple beauty of the love, the sacrifice, and the hope. I long to always keep Jesus fully in the center of all I see.

In years past we have bought gifts for our family, and friends. This year we are limited by money, and there is a big part of me that is quite glad. I am making 95% of our gifts this year. Hand knitted/crocheted scarves for almost everyone. Not only does it cut back on cost (I was gifted a lot of the yarn) but it allows me time to pray for each person as I create something just for them. :D I love to pray for people as I make things for them.

My little girl on the other hand, is getting a bought gift. Last spring she received an American Girl catalog in the mail. Much to my surprise she spent hours and hours pouring over the things in that catalog, and while I don't want to promote that "I want" attitude, it was very sweet to see her so excited about the dolls and all their things. A few months after the catalog arrived she was still looking at it endlessly, when my mom called about a garage sale that was selling some of the dolls. I drove the 30 minutes to check it out, and got there with one doll left. The doll was being sold along with a small dog, 2 outfits, shoes, and accessories. The cost of all these things new would have been well over 200 dollars. I was able to get them at just over a quarter of that price. I can't wait until Christmas morning! When ever she is asked what she wants for Christmas her list always starts with that catalog. I am so thankful for the find that God provided months ago when we had the money. I have never been one to buy and tuck away gifts, but this is well worth the wait.

This morning my husband is sharing his testimony at our church. It is an amazing one of sin, and guilt replace with redemption! (Of course they all are) I can't wait to see him share it with our church family. As nervous at he is (and I admit, I'm nervous too) I know that Father will be greatly glorified today, and will use this in an amazing way in someones life! Thank you Abba for your forgiveness, your grace, your mercy, and your love.


Well, I could go on with so much more. Making decisions on school, Christmas parties, baby showers, things learned in time with God, and where He is taking me.....just to get you interested :D I think I will leave that for another time.
May you be blessed with peace, and joy abundantly.

I Know that I Know......But Could Someone Just Tell My Heart??

I know that I have been absent for a while. That was not my intention, of course. I wanted to write, but I have had so much going on that my brain was just not working well enough to compose a post. Even now I wonder if publicly writing what is in my head might possibly the worst idea I have had in a long time.

In just a few short weeks we will have no income. Months ago my husband separated his shoulder. It has prevented him from working in the capacity that he always has, and as a result of that he has been unable to find work. Unemployment has helped, but it ends in a few weeks.
Also in a few weeks we are being asked to move. The landlord wants our space for an office. So with no income we will also be homeless. We have known this for a month, and I have remained calm.Until now.....

Today, I have been struggling greatly with TRUST (among other things). Do you ever just struggle over and over again with something and wonder if you will ever get it? Trust is that thing for me. The words that keep playing over and over in my mind today are trust, hope, faith, peace, grace, safety, provision. For weeks, even months I have done really well with these words. I have grown in them, I have seen, and experianced them. I have not doubted them.

 Then this weekend I woke up several times in the middle of the night totally panic stricken. The feeling has not yet left. I have let doubt creep in, fear, LOTS of fear, sadness, confusion, pain, and anger. I have allowed my circumstances to control my emotions rather than giving my emotions to my Father.
I am not sure what to do about it either. It is one thing to say have faith....it is quite another to get yourself to do just that.

 I know, that I know, that I know that God will take care of us. I also know that it will be His timing which is most commonly not my timing. That it will also be His way, which also has not commonly been my way. I know this. I know I am not forgotten. But my heart just doesn't hear me say that right now.

 So in light of this panic filled weekend, that seems to be slinking it's way into my week. I have spent time praying and searching, and getting in the word. I have spent time with others so as not to be alone in depression. Yet, I struggle. I worry. I panic.

So that is where I am at today. Seeking the Father. Trying not to cry. Knowing of His faithfulness, but not connecting it to my heart.

Fear....A Sin??

It was recently pointed out to my by a very sweet, but bold Godly woman that fear is a sin. I had completely NOT remembered this, to which she pointed out that could be a tool of the enemy to keep me in sin. 

Thoughts on this???

The Scent of Worship

The fundraiser went fabulous, and even though I was an emotional mess by the time I got home, and I am still feeling really drained, I am glad I had to opportunity to work with such wonderful people for such a wonderful little boy! It looks like all the money needing to be raised for the dog is now raised!!!! Praise God!

So I have had something on my mind/heart for a few weeks now that I would really like to share with you. I was reading Angie Smith's book I Will Carry You about the loss of her daughter Audrey. She recounted a portion of a sermon she once heard and it has really stuck in my head. I am going to re post part of it from her book here. I would love to post the full 8 pages of this section, but that would be too much. I implore you to get a copy and read it, or even go to Amazon and look up pages 121-128. ( I wouldn't usually recommend this method but seriously if you can't get a copy of the book read it there!)  I greatly encourage you to ponder it, meditate on, live it out.....

 Days after the resurrection of Lazarus a celebration was held in honor of Jesus. Everyone was gathered around the Lord when Mary shattered a bottle of perfume and wiped the lavish scent across His feet with her hair. The scent was to be used in a society where bathing was not frequent so this particular nard was extremely pungent. A few drops would have been more than enough, but with out regard to cost, or what those around her might think she simply poured it all out as an act of worship. Many have speculated that Mary  was preparing her beloved savior for His death and burial, but our pastor went on to explain that-The scent of the perfume surely would have been on His skin a few days later when He was beaten and crucified. So in essence, every time a Roman soldiers whip hit Him, the scent of Mary's worship was released and rose all around Him. A reminder of who He was. 
~
As Mary and the others who loved Jesus watched Him, they were overcome with desperation. The Lord Himself cried out in hurt, and they stood helpless watching as the breath of this life left Him. At some point she left the site of the crucifixion and I imagine wandered the streets in sadness to visit and mourn with friends and family. Here is the part you many not have considered before now. Every where she went, every step of the way, she was followed. Every person she came into contact with, every stranger who saw her cry, every home she entered was being filled with something intangible, a gift that would be with her for many days to come. It was scent of love fore her Savior, and it was caught in her hair. Close your eyes for a moment and imagine the beauty of this image. She was carrying with her the invisible yet ever present reminder of who He was to her with out a single word she told His story over and over again. 

Taken from "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith pages 121,122,127,128


I would love to hear your feedback on this!

Joshua is Keeping My Week Busy!

I have wanted to post for days. I have something on my heart that means a lot to me. I want to share it. I am crazy busy this week. Unfortunately something ( or several somethings) are going to have to go.....blogging may be one of those somethings. So while I am going to try and get back here in the next day or two, I can't promise.


In the mean time, check out this cutie: Joshua.  He has autism and this week there is a benefit in his honor to raise money for a service dog for him. (Which is what has me crazy busy!)
Come on out if you can:
Friday Night
5pm to 9pm
Goshen Theater
216 S. Main st., Goshen
 Deserts, Coffee, and a Silent Auction!

To read more about this fun night visit my friend Rachel's blog.

Hope to be back soon to share my heart with you!

Letting Go

My day has been themed. Let go....Heal
I have been in grief all day. Late last night I was hurt deeply. Over and over. It was all relationship hurts. I was to blame. It was rejection. I didn't understand why. It was a feeling of being discarded. My heart bleed. I cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours. My husband lay beside me, telling me it wasn't my fault. I have been hurt many times in relationships. You have too, I know.
I felt withdraw. I felt like closing up. I felt a need to grab my Savior's robes, and cry into his chest, and hold on so tight that I couldn't let go.

The hurt is still there. I have spent the day in quiet. Just me, and my little girl. I have refused to do anything with anyone today. I told people no, feeling guilty about it, but knowing that I needed to let God take care of me today. That I needed time with Him, and time alone, and time to just be, to heal. I decided today needed to be low key. Healing, reading His words, clinging, and resting. I didn't know that God would be telling me to let go. It's so hard.
Let go....of the pain, the unforgiveness, control. Let go how others see me. Let go of me, and clinging to Him.
 Just be in the calm of the day ( I have so few of those) and lean on the one who heals. That is what I am working on today.

Part of me would love to withdraw forever. That's the kind of person I am. That is not what God is calling me to do. So tomorrow I return back to my busy life. Three things already planned for the day! But today I am working on letting go.

 *Side Note* I am loving this song. I just found it today, doesn't it speak so loudly???

Come By Here

What God Has Given Me

These next few weeks are full. Not that they are ever empty, but there seems to be a lot more going on than normal.
In just three short week our church is hosting a desert and coffee fundraiser with a silent auction. I have been asked to knit fingerless gloves (and possibly scarves) in addition to making a few gratitude journals. These are all items that I would like to get made to start my own Etsy shop . So I am hoping to get extra's made and the shop opened during the next few weeks as well. I only have two weeks to complete the projects for the auction. The third week will be needed for baking as I am also baking a portion of the deserts for the benefit. Fun, fun, fun. I have worked on several fundraisers in the last few years. Some have been more stressful that others, but I have always had some fun!

 This weekend we have the joy of keeping my best friends boys while she and her hubby get away for a weekend in Chicago!! Sounds great! I love having her boys around. Lily's best friend and stand in brothers (hope it's ok to say that), it's always such sweet thing. The weather has been great these last few days, and if the rain holds off I think we will be outdoors as much as possible. Sat. morning we are hoping to make it to Ted Yoder's concert. Such beautiful sounds he makes with the Hammered Dulcimer.

I have joined an intense study on the kingdom of God. There is more digging in scripture than I have ever seen in a bible study. Great for me, I am loving getting in the word. Not so great for the busy life I lead, but possibly could help me slow down, if I need to take the time to be in the word.

 A few days ago I was also praying about what God would have me read in His word next (during my own quiet time) He very clearly prompted me to read through Psalms. Later that day my hubby was sitting on the bed reading the word, and so I asked him where he was reading. Lo and behold: God told him to read Psalms too! I have really felt the spirit prompt me to read it over the next few weeks. So I have added 11 chapters of Psalm reading to my daily life :D Love it!

 I am also really trying to buckle down and loose a few more pounds. I have been working out for what seems like ages! Watching what I eat, and changing portions, and how many servings of each food group I get in a day. It is only barely working. While I have lost a few pounds this year (25-30) it just doesn't show!!! I want to feel it, I want it to show, I want to have to pull out clothes in smaller sizes! So far that has not happened. So I am trying AGAIN to revamp my ways of eating, my ways of working out, and my ways of living. I know that hormones have a lot to do with my weight struggles. I have been wondering how much my stress and busyness has played a part in that. So a weight loss goal is becoming: breath, slow down, eliminate stress!

Well, there are so many other things going on in the next few weeks. So many things God is using to challenge me, and so many things that I am dreaming about. Unfortunately, I need to end this post for now, and get back to my daughter. Lunch~reading~menu planning~meetings....oh so many things.

Fall, I Have Missed You

September 1st, I am officially craving apple pies, and pumpkin chocolate chip bread, and sweaters, and scarves,  pumpkin spice lattes, and walks through fall colored leaves.
I have of course been unofficially craving these things for weeks now!! I am so happy this time of year is approaching. It is my favorite, and I think I could live in it at least 8 months out of the year! I am anxiously awaiting all the things I love about fall, and now I am becoming more impatient as it draws near. 
I just bought my daughters winter wardrobe, and can't wait to see her in it! To cuddle on the couch with hot cocoa, and books. Doesn't my life just sound divine? :D Ah....fall....*sigh*

Creating & Beauty & Lots of Pictures

These last four or five days have been crazy busy. I have created, shopped, seen about everyone I know :), driven all over the place, learned a lot, got stressed out, peopled out, and had some fun along the way.
I want to share some beauty I have captured lately, and also some of the creations I have made.

 

 

 

 These beautiful sunflowers have been growing outside my home. I love to see them. Don't they just make you smile?

 This truck was just to fun not to capture. My dear friend LOVES yellow smiley faces, and we just had to stop and take a picture for her. :)

 A beautiful gift I won at a baby shower last week. So serene.

 

Knitting at my brother's football games. Creating with yarn~I love it!~

Preserving day with my dear friend. God blessed me through another family with green beans, then my friend added to it for a total of 8 frozen quarts. The middle picture: My tomatoes ready to be cut up and made into the yummiest sauce. 3 bags of it!

 This is my friends salsa. This is the third time this year she has canned it. With all the tomatoes and peppers coming from her beautiful garden.






  Now....you have the pleasure of looking at the beautiful things created for my little sister Serene's birthday!
A 6 layer 9x13 rainbow cake! 

 That is vanilla pudding between the layers to cut the sweet. Once it had been in the fridge a while it was so moist because the pudding soaked in! It took 3 cake mixes, 2 boxes of pudding, and 2 1/2 cans of frosting for this cake! But it was so yummy!

Whimsical writing gave it a fun feel. Don't you just love the vibrant colors? I do!

Handmade sketch pad. 24 colors of card stock make a beautiful pad. I drew the daisy on then painted it in. Stamped her name to personalize it. This resembles the gratitude journals I am making for Etsy, and a benefit coming up~It was a lot of fun.

    
In addition to the rainbow cake:
Knitted rainbow scarf, hand painted ladybug, and hand mande sketch book.

So there you have it.

I Pursue

Last night my husband and I shared at our small group. We rotate teaching, and it was our week! We spoke about how what you pursue in your life/marriage can either hurt your marriage or attract you to each other. For example if I am pursuing my selfishness, I will only hurt my husband, and our relationship. If on the other hand I am spending time pursuing God, and the holiness He calls us to, well, it will be something attractive that will improve our marriage. We also talked a little bit about how marriage is God's context for challenging us to be holy. Quite a few of out thoughts came out of this book. Before diving into it though I read a poem that had been given to me. I have been asked to post it here. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

 I pursue. I run. I chase. I long
 I pursue what is in my heart.
 Money, things, music, black boxes, and keyboards,
 cars, and games, instruments, and perfection.
 I run after it.
 Fear of failure is hot on my heals.
 I can't see anyone.
 I don't see anything important.
 Only my own wants.
 My selfishness surrounds me
 as my idols take over my body, mind, and soul from with in.

 My spouse goes unnoticed.
 Needs of others go with out.
 Around me there is pain while I live in a world of my own.
 While I purse the things in my world,
 Hurt ensues around me.

 Then I hear it.
 Quietly calling to me.
 God's voice draws me.
 My focus shifts.
 I see Him.
 His glory.
 I see who He is,
 and who He made me to be.
 I turn and run fully into His arms.
 I race to the one who gives life.
 I realize the life He gives
 is different than the one I wanted.
 I embrace it, full of love.
 I pursue God fully,
 letting Him change me body, and mind, and soul from with in.
 The hurt I once caused is now being replaced
 with love and servant hood.

 I leave my idols behind to pursue God
 and in that I find a great pursuit
 of all things good and Godly.
 I find my marriage changed
 because I am loving my spouse with a Godly love
 and my pursuit of God is healing my marriage.
 Healing the hurt my idols have cost us.

 The pursuit of idols hurt us
 Left us broken and separated.
 The pursuit of God
 attracts me to my love, my spouse.

Germ Free School???

Yesterday, Lily had an evaluation at the school. Upon hearing that I plan to home school her the woman then lectured me about the benefits of public school compared to the negatives of homeschooling. I had told her one of the reasons we wanted to keep Lily home was because her immune system does not seem to be as strong as most kiddos. She informed me in her way that it was an excuse. She told me about another lead kid that went to school there and how they isolated him from others so he could be there. So sad to think of a kid being isolated in a room of other kids. She also told me this child had not made any progress with his lead poisoning in the last few years, huuummmm. I tried to figure out how they would keep germs at a minimum with kids, toys, and learning materials. Lily had already managed to touch every single toy in that room, and every thing she could along the way. The first place my daughter wanted to check out in the school was the tiny sinks, and toilets in the bathroom. So I was highly skeptical as to how they thought they could keep my child healthy.

Today, Lily has strep.

 I don't blame the school. I know it could not have set in that quick, but I find it ironic that my point is my daughter picks up everything and I do all I can to keep her healthy. They think they can keep her healthy ....and yet a day later she is sick again.

 I am just laughing at the irony.

"Your Daughter Is OVERWEIGHT"

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

I am discouraged, and I am a little afraid. Lily had a WIC appointment today. She was weighed and measured. In the past she has been on the kind of small side. I have noticed recently that she still seems to be small compared to others (I know we shouldn't compare our kids). Especially in the height department. I have also noticed her face has been filling out, and she seems to be adding on a bit of chunk. Only once have they mentioned her weight creeping up being a concern, and it was quickly dismissed because of her height. Today, that was not the case. She is short at 38 1/2 inches(15% on the charts)-the same at she was 6 months ago. Since then though she has put on more weight and is now 39 pounds(96% on the charts). Her height and weight are almost the same number. She was red flagged in their system for being overweight. I was distressed! They talked to us about the food we eat at home. About not keeping to many candies, and chips and cookies on hand. They talked about making sure that she is an active child, and maybe not too much tv.

 I know all of this. I try to put into practice all of this. Does she watch to much tv; yes. Does she eat junk food; occasionally. Is she active; yes, I think so. We try so hard in our home to watch what we are doing to our bodies. We try to eat healthy foods, and I would say we succeed at least 80% of the time. We try to make sure that we are staying active, even in a small space.

 My husband and I are both overweight. I'm not talking just a little, I'm talking morbidly obese. It is hard. It hurts. It is a constant struggle. I try everyday to make good choices for myself and my family. My husband has had a life long battle, starting at a young age with bad habits.  I didn't have any problems with my weight until my mid teens when I developed PCOS. Since then, I crawl in my skin everyday with the torture of being overweight. I have always had a fear that my daughter would have the same struggle, and now here it is starting me in the face.

 She is only 4 years old, and yet I am scared for the rest of her life. I know that we are not supposed to live in fear. I also don't know how to help her. I am already trying so hard. So here I am again. Looking over our menus trying to figure out what I am doing wrong. Trying to figure out what I can change, and wondering how I can get my baby healthy, and teach her to stay that way. She is at high risk for also developing PCOS and that scares me, but I know that if she starts out young, and overweight her chances go up. So here I go again. Back to the place I always go; to God for peace, and to my books for knowledge. I need to find a way to help her. I don't want her to have the lifelong struggle that I have had. I know that many people have told me not to worry about her weight because she is young, and it will work itself out. Now I am being faced with the actual label of "OVERWEIGHT" and I do feel like I should be doing something before that label results in other labels (pcos, diabetic, or the more horrible one: fat)

 So now that I have written a very small portion of my panic away.....I'm going to look at my menu again, reread some books, again....and to sit with the Father.

Things I Am Loving Today

#1   My beautiful little girl. She has helped me pick up, cuddled, read stories, helped her self 3 times to lunch, and played. I saw her little heart break today from dissapointment, and heard her excited screams when Daddy came home. Who can resist her? :D


#2  A clean house! It took me 5+ hours but it is clean and sanitized! Now if only it could stay that way!


#3 My nap. I was tired, but not done cleaning. Yet, I was able to stop myself and take a nap. A big thing for me to not finish cleaning first. So glad I did, or I would be dragging now!


#4  This verse:    Job 23:12    I have esteemed and treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. Oh my word!~Conviction from the Spirit hitting me right in the soul!

#5  Parmesan crusted chicken, with tomato mozzarella salad, and Oh Baby cake for dessert! The appropriate words: 
appealing, delectable, delicious, divine, flavorsome, heavenly, inviting, luscious, mouthwatering, palatable,  savory, scrumptious, succulent, tantalizing, tasty, tempting,  yummy

 
#6   This picture, it's just fun, and beautiful. 

Rain on the sun roof

Who knows what the night holds.....a walk, a movie, reading, coffee????