Things I Am Loving Today

#1   My beautiful little girl. She has helped me pick up, cuddled, read stories, helped her self 3 times to lunch, and played. I saw her little heart break today from dissapointment, and heard her excited screams when Daddy came home. Who can resist her? :D


#2  A clean house! It took me 5+ hours but it is clean and sanitized! Now if only it could stay that way!


#3 My nap. I was tired, but not done cleaning. Yet, I was able to stop myself and take a nap. A big thing for me to not finish cleaning first. So glad I did, or I would be dragging now!


#4  This verse:    Job 23:12    I have esteemed and treasured the words of His mouth more than my necessary food. Oh my word!~Conviction from the Spirit hitting me right in the soul!

#5  Parmesan crusted chicken, with tomato mozzarella salad, and Oh Baby cake for dessert! The appropriate words: 
appealing, delectable, delicious, divine, flavorsome, heavenly, inviting, luscious, mouthwatering, palatable,  savory, scrumptious, succulent, tantalizing, tasty, tempting,  yummy

 
#6   This picture, it's just fun, and beautiful. 

Rain on the sun roof

Who knows what the night holds.....a walk, a movie, reading, coffee????

The Business of Starting a Business

Is it crazy to think of starting a home business when you don't really have any where to start from? My husband and I had a conversation two weeks ago about starting a home business to relive some of the financial burdens we have been feeling. We sat down with a note book and made a list of ideas. Some were possibly good ideas, some were bad, and some were very bad. At least we were trying. Then we went to the library, and checked out every book on small businesses that we could find. Every idea book there, well we took it!
So I'm going to share with you today some of those ideas. I am hoping that you will be willing to give me some feed back. Some of our ideas were for him, some for me, and some for both of us.

1. Mobil oil changes; We come to you to change your oil and give your car the tune up it needs.

2. Drywall inspections; Think you got a lousy drywall job? Do you want an estimate before the other guys try to pull one over on you....Semi retired drywall finisher will come to your home and provide you with and estimate, or show you all the trouble spots the need to be fixed so you don't have to keep calling the guy you hired back out.....Didn't I say we had some crazy ideas?

3. Mud Bogging Pit; (Can you guess who's idea that was?) Fields of mud just waiting to be sloshed around in. 15$ per..... Come get muddy.

4. Bread Baking Classes. You love the way a fresh loaf smells, and tastes but have never quite mastered it on your own. Take classes from the lady who can transform your whole carb world :D 5$ (still thinking about price) per class 25$ for a series of 6 classes. White/wheat, sourdough, rustic country, french bread, and more!

5. Writing, I understand that making money from your writing is very difficult, but it's what I love to do. Magazines, on-line zines, papers, blogs, and perhaps one day books. Ah to dream.

6. Garden Weeders; Hate to weed your garden? Don't have enough time in your week? Call us and we will do it for you.

7. Etsy Shop (One of the ideas I am most interested in) Handmade items for you or gifts. Knitted scarves, fingerless gloves, wraps, and more! Also, gratitude journals, a creative way to list the many things you are thankful for.


So there it is. Our crazy ideas. What do you think?

Teachings in the Struggle

God speaks. This is what he has been saying to me. I shared this with my woman's bible study last night, and I thought that would share it here too.

Hunger/Thirst

We control our hunger for God.
I always thought the amount of hunger I had came from God. That when I wanted to be hungry I had to pray for it. But God is showing me that I control it with what I satisfy myself with. I can be hungry for God and continually satisfy myself with Him or I can fill that hunger with things~distractions~busyness~or even myself and that decreases my hunger for Him.

If we are not hungry for God it is because we have allowed our souls to be satisfied or satiated with other things~John Bevere
He went on to say that the Lord showed him that "he" was the responsible for his own hunger level. If he wasn't hungry it was because he was already full. Fill with the cares of this world and filled with pleasures and distractions. If he wanted to hunger in the mist of the abundance of things he would need to fast. Fast from the things that would distract, comfort or distress him.

Psalm 107:9 For He satisfies the thirsty, and fills the hungry with good things.

John 6:35 Jesus replied: I am the bread of life whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

Psalm 143:6 I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

Trust

God is teaching me that Because I love Him, I must trust Him.
He has pushed that with me while we have had no income. While Lily has had lead poisoning, while we have lost children. While I have been dealing with failure, He is telling me to trust him.
Not long ago I was swimming with Lily and she was freaking out about me letting go of her. She had a life vest on, and had let go of me many times, but was still freaking out. I found myself telling her something that I quickly recognized as God's voice speaking to me.
I said:
I love you, and because I love you, you have to trust me. You will be ok. You maybe scared, but I will be right here. All you have to do is come toward me and you will be safe.

God is slowly teaching me, and speaking to my heart about how much I should trust him, if I truly love him. As a mother I expect my child to trust me based on the fact that I love her, and want best for her. As my Daddy, God's love for me makes Him trust worthy. No matter what happens in my life.

Psalm 143:8 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk for I give myself to you.

Psalm 13:5 But I will trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

Thankfulness

No matter what life holds God is showing me that I need to be thankful for the things He gives rather than complain about all we don't have. This is hard and I don't think I have even gotten close to where He wants me but I strive.
I plant seeds of gratitude in my heart by keeping a gratitude journal. It's usually the smallest things that go in there and change my perspective of my life.
I have/am also learning that thankfulness is a choice. If I don't choose to be thankful then I am choosing a sinful attitude. It has to be an intentional thing to be thankful.

1Thessalonians 5:18
Be thankful in all circumstances for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.


Intentional Living

Intentional living is doing, thinking, feeling, and saying everything with a purpose For me it is making a choice to live out everything in my life to God's glory. Meaning the end result of everything points to God. Then making everything in my life an individual choice. I can float along or I can choose to be intentional about everything. For example; do I float along while I do my everyday stuff (dishes, drive to work, eating) or do I choose to be intentional and use it as an opportunity to listen to the spirit's leading, and glorify God?

1 Corinthians 10:31 So whether you eat or drink, or what ever you do, do it all the to the glory of God.

1 Timothy 4:16 Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you.


Quiet~Slowness~Waiting~Resting

I have filled my life with busyness. Most of what I do can be considered Godly, or good, and glorifying to Him. I know that I am not choosing to be busy with things I shouldn't be. But God has been heavily speaking to me about being slow, and in the quiet. The biggest reason this is hard for me is because I have filled up my life helping other people with their problems just so I wouldn't have to face my own problems and hurt.
I was also (and still am) dealing with the perspective that being slow, waiting and resting is lazy. Not being a busy person all the time in my mind meant that I am a lazy person with mental issues :)
God has spent time showing me that only in the quiet stillness can He heal and restore me. Yes, that means dealing with my own problems, and sometimes hurting. That means my idea of rest and laziness need to change but God has been getting in my heart and working on that. He gives me quotes and scriptures to help me slow down, be quiet, and rest. These things have had the ability to change my thoughts and schedule.

Busyness and constant stresses of life rob me of physical, emotional, and and spiritual strength. Even as I must restore myself physically everyday sleeping and eating in order to give my body the nutrients and strength it needs to live productively, so I must feed my soul on God's words, nurture my heart through prayer, and pull away from life's demands in order to rest. ~Sally Clarkson

The Lord is beckoning me to rest in Him~to cease striving and allow Him to order my days. I had unknowingly placed more trust in my ability to manage than in God's plan for my life. I had allowed schedules and expectations to replace the assurance that God's grace was sufficient~always and no matter what. ~Lorraine Curry

Psalm 62:5 Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him.

Isaiah 30:15 This is what the Sovereign Lord the Holy One of Israel, says, Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it.

The last line of this verse reminds me that I would have none of what God was trying to give me with resting, but that if I do all that He asks in this area then the rest of the verse will come to pass.


We must not just act like Christians, but learn to have the heart of a Christian.

If we learn, and let God change our heart it will change our thinking, and then change our actions. But if we just learn to act like Christians with out a heart or mind change then we are no better than the hypocrites of Jesus' day.
In becoming more like Christ my first step has to be my heart and the attitude that is in it. Not the action itself. Otherwise we are doing as Myron (my pastor) said we are just managing our sin.
God wants to change our hearts not just watch us try to manage our sin. We focus so much on acting right~what about thinking right?

I was emailing my pastor about this not long ago and he said:
We learn to do the right things but nothing really changes. Maybe we should concentrate less on what we do and more on who we are becoming. Then maybe our actions will reflect who we really are. ~Myron Bontrager

God has also been showing me that someones actions should not determine my reaction. This I believe goes right into this lesson because it is all about the hear.

Proverbs 4: 20-23 My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Proverbs 22:15 My child if your heart is wise, My own heart will rejoice!

Jeremiah 17:9 The human heart is the most deceitful of all things and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?

I think it is important to look at this verse because it shows us that our heart with out God is evil and only He can change it for good.

Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.

Romans 2:29 No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people.

I Totally...

Tonight, I totally stepped out of my element.

I totally stepped into the unknown.

I totally let people into my personal crap.

I totally tried to be open.

I totally shared my heart.

I totally flipped out inside.

I totally feel emotionally fried.

I totally doubt myself.

I totally try to trust that God moved.

I totally wonder if I said everything wrong.

I totally wonder if I sounded self absorbed.

I totally pray that everything came out the way I wanted it to.

I totally need to release all my thoughts!!!

Good night.

I Am A Pin Cushion

As a child I was really good at finding things with my feet. Rusty nails, glass, pins, needles, and the occasional odd item. If something broke, and we were not sure if it had all been swept up the joke was, just wait, Amber will find it. Well, it hurts! Stepping on things, being poked, then pulling the object out. Not to mention the blood was a pain to deal with. Have you ever tried to walk while bleeding out your foot with out getting it on the floor? Oh, and try keeping your balance when something suddenly stabs the thing you are balancing on!

I tell you this because tonight I feel jabbed. Those feelings of long ago (or just last week) of being jabbed in the foot with something sharp are very present tonight. This time though it's not just my feet. I feel like I have been poked, jabbed, prodded, and stabbed with pins. All over my soul. At this present moment, my soul is a pin cushion. You remember those right? The little red tomato looking things that your mom/grandma wore on her wrist while she sewed? I would watch my mom take pins out of clothing as it passed under the needle, and jab it quickly into her pin cushion. It looked violent.

My soul is jabbed with failure. I feel it. I see it. I hear it. I know it.

Walking out the door while my daughter is screaming because mom has taken a lot of time for herself, and none for her girl. Failure. Pin prick.
House is a mess, dishes piled up, floor hasn't been mopped in a while. No order. Another pin prick. Another stab of failure to my soul.
No money. No gas. No bills being paid out of my own pocket. Failure.Poke. Jam. Jabbed.
Child behind developmentally. Not making time to work with her. Failure. Double stab.
Claiming to be a writer. Not writing. Not creating. Failure. Ouch...
Hurting my husband instead of blessing him. Failure. Pin prick.
Being jealous of friends blessings. Their ability to thrive, to do things, buy things, to not worry. Failure. Pins.
My child causes trouble every time she is at a friend's house. Failure. Prodding.
No job. No income. No provision. Failure. Pain. Stabbings.
Infertility. Not giving him another child. Her a sibling. Missing out again while others succeed. Failure. P..I..N...
Not loosing weight. Shopping with others, no clothes in my size. Knowing I'm twice as big as you. Not being attractive. Trying and getting nowhere. Not being healthy. FAILURE! Forget the pins...did a piano just fall on me?


I know that I mean more to God than this. But, I don't know that I mean more to me than this. Not tonight. I am a pin cushion. Failure are my pins. I am being pricked.