Sick, Sad, and Guilty

My daughter is sick again, and I am having a really hard time with it.

I was just saying/thinking last week that I needed to start taking precautions as winter approaches to keep her healthy this year. Last winter she was very sick with back to back illnesses for several months. I really want to avoid that this year.
So last night she suddenly spiked a fever and started crying about a sore throat. I continued to watch her fever and before bed it hit 103.7.....except that several hours later I realized that I forgot to add a degree (I take her temp under her arm) and it smacked me between the eyes that she had really been running a 104.7 temperature. She had hit the danger zone, and I didn't even realize it. Boy did I feel like crap. Here I am, the mother of a child who is sick often, and I let something like that slip my mind! Talk about feeling like a failure.

We were up off and on through out the night. Fever, throwing up, drinks for the sore throat, and just feeling the yuckyness of being sick. All night long she kept telling me "I not sick" over and over again. She wanted so badly to not be sick again that she just kept denying it. My heart broke every time she cried that. By morning she was asking to see her Doctor. I called and talked to him....strep throat. Penicillin.

You see we had family dinners this week to celebrate Thanksgiving, and I later found out that several people had been sick or brought their sick children. There was both flu and strep present that day! Sick children played with my child, sick adults held her. I am not responding to this news very well. I want to scream, cry, and give a piece of my mind to these people! Why, why would you go to a big gathering with sick children?? Why are you not responsible enough to not expose other people? Do I have to keep my child shut in because others do not consider the effects going out sick might have? I just stated not long ago that I do not want to be a shut in this year! Happy Thanksgiving to you, I do not thank you for giving this time!

I am scared that I will not be able to keep her healthy again this winter. No mama likes to see her baby sick. I am scared that her immune system will get worse, and cause more health issues, development issues, lead issues. I am scared she will never be healthy. I am scared that she will not have the quality of life that other kids do.

I am also feeling very guilty. I was supposed to help a friend move today, and I am not there. I know that there are other very capable people that will get the job done, but I feel guilty that I am not there to help them. I feel a responsibility to be there, and am beating myself up for not. I just keep thinking that I am always there when needed, so I feel bad that this time I didn't show up. Some of the people helping are already getting sick, and it's raining. I don't think I will be able to stop myself from feeling some blame if they end up really sick. I know my daughter needs me, and I need to stay healthy, but my husband is home. I could go. I could help. I should rest. I should listen to my husband. I should be able to be everywhere at once to take care of every one...oh wait...is that right?? :)

Well, I am off to take care of my girl, and my self. Trying to find some peace and relaxation in this day. Thanks for listening (reading).