Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Letting Go

My day has been themed. Let go....Heal
I have been in grief all day. Late last night I was hurt deeply. Over and over. It was all relationship hurts. I was to blame. It was rejection. I didn't understand why. It was a feeling of being discarded. My heart bleed. I cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours. My husband lay beside me, telling me it wasn't my fault. I have been hurt many times in relationships. You have too, I know.
I felt withdraw. I felt like closing up. I felt a need to grab my Savior's robes, and cry into his chest, and hold on so tight that I couldn't let go.

The hurt is still there. I have spent the day in quiet. Just me, and my little girl. I have refused to do anything with anyone today. I told people no, feeling guilty about it, but knowing that I needed to let God take care of me today. That I needed time with Him, and time alone, and time to just be, to heal. I decided today needed to be low key. Healing, reading His words, clinging, and resting. I didn't know that God would be telling me to let go. It's so hard.
Let go....of the pain, the unforgiveness, control. Let go how others see me. Let go of me, and clinging to Him.
 Just be in the calm of the day ( I have so few of those) and lean on the one who heals. That is what I am working on today.

Part of me would love to withdraw forever. That's the kind of person I am. That is not what God is calling me to do. So tomorrow I return back to my busy life. Three things already planned for the day! But today I am working on letting go.

 *Side Note* I am loving this song. I just found it today, doesn't it speak so loudly???


Laura said...

I'm sorry you got hurt, Amber. :( Been there. I'll be praying, and let me know if you need anything.

Oh, and that Shaun Groves song? I've had it in my head since yesterday morning and it's spoken so loudly to me too. Love it. (And I love it that we read the same blogs!) :)

The Schmidts said...

hi amber,
i am so sorry you have been hurt & are hurting still.
i am glad you were able to take a day to unwind & rest.
i am praying for you!