Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Miss.....

There are so many things I am missing tonight.
A dear friend of my mom's. She is a wonderful, and dare I say, very feisty woman of God through my teen years. I was just gleaning so much wisdom from her, through her blog. It amazes me almost to tears how much I have missed her. It has been about 6 years since I have seen her, and I still miss her so badly some times.
Bible study is also a great "miss" of mine lately. Last year I attended a Beth Moore bible study with a friend. It was such an experience. I love learning. I love being brought to a passionate place with my God. I love being challenged. Bible study does that for me. I also miss the relationships you have in a women's bible study. I miss so much about that time.
I miss debating with my husband. Deep conversations that could go on for hours. After being married for almost six years life can sometimes be more about surviving than living. I miss that time in our relationship that was new and intellectual not just every day normal.
I miss being creative. I could be still, I know that. You just stop though. After a while my life just became to busy. My focus became more about taking care of people than about nurturing the writer/chef/craftswomen/fashion artist/ect... in me. I miss that.
I miss working out. Oh yes, you heard me right. I am a fat woman that loved to work out. I miss the feel of muscles stretching. I miss the thrill of my heart pounding in my chest, and every part of me-even the ones I didn't know I had- being sore the next day. I miss that! (Don't tell me to get up and do it-that doesn't seem to work.)
I miss living a slow simple life. Not being busy all the time. Not going constantly. I miss having my day free. Free of appointments, and things that need to be done, and thoughts that won't stop racing in my mind. Free of my long list of things to do. I know that you all feel what I'm talking about here.
There are so many things that I miss in my life. Yet, I am blessed. For all the things I miss there is something I can be grateful for. That doesn't change the fact that I want the things I miss. It just means I have other things to be joyful about. It means that when I say I miss my baby in heaven, I can still be joyful for my Lily on earth. It doesn't change how I feel about one, it just increases the joy I have for the other thing in my life. It's not always easy to remember to be joyful when you are missing something you have lost. It is growth.
Well, it's late, and I'm not sure this made sense to anyone, but thanks for listening.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

A Good Day

Today had been productive and fun! While getting ready to make breakfast my little girl came in and asked "can-cakes?" Her way of saying pancakes, which is one of her favorite foods. So after I told her yes we can make can-cakes :) She said to me "counter". Which is her way of asking to sit on the counter. So I pulled her up, and handed her the whisk. I put the ingredients in the bowl, and she started to stir. This is the way pancakes get made at my house. I measure, and she stirs. So while they were on the griddle we set the table, getting out the apple sauce and syrup. My husband came in and joined us for breakfast, where Lily stopped us from eating twice to pray.
Shortly after there was a lovely battle of wills about taking vitamins. Something that we do daily, she doesn't get a choice. After Brian left, I got Lily dressed, and put her hair up in a bun. She looked so sweet. Just like a ballerina. She then "talked" with me, and brushed my hair.
We mixed up molasses cookies, that are now in the fridge waiting for me to bake them. She also took the bucket of flour being out to mean that it was play time. So after dumping a substantial amount onto the worst carpet to clean. She took off all her clothes and jumped in it!
We decided that maybe it was time to do a little more work on her potty training, so after getting her clothes and panties we set off to do dishes. I looked over to see that she had taken the bottom rack out of the dishwasher and was pushing it around the house like a car. With canning jars still in it! So after putting it back I found out she had also hid my silverware basket, which took about 1/2 an hour to find. It was under my bed.
By the time the dishes were done it was time for lunch. As I was pealing her orange she stood next to me. Then she suddenly looked up and very matter-a-factly stated "I peed." Sure enough she stood in a puddle. So we changed her. Then she took her orange to sit in a box with cups and her baby doll, who I later discovered Lily had been trying to feed her oranges to. Sticky baby doll!
Well, now she is napping. I have laid down to read, but am now up. I am off to clean house, make cookies, lazzana, bread sticks, and shower. Company tonight, and hopefully a little more time to myself yet today.
This has been a good day. Any day when Lily is not sick, and is acting like a kid is a good day.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Hey There,

Hey there, it's been a while. I have been so busy, but since I'm back I thought I would give my blog a little make over.
I tried changing my background yesterday, and found out this morning that it wasn't working. So I have spent the last hour or so trying to fix it, and I think I've finally got it. Now I just need to keep up the posting. What discipline it takes. Although I guess most things in our lives do.
We have been on the run for almost a week strait now. Before that there was a lot of sickness in our home. I am so ready for things to just slow down!
I was once very much into living a simple life, at home. Now I seem to be living an insanely busy one everywhere else. This is going to change! I am not giving myself a choice :O (Now we will have to see if I can stick with that)
There has been so much going on in my life, physically, with getting sick. Spiritually, oh boy that is a whole post to itself. Even my marriage and life as a mother seem to have changed so much in the last few months.
I have also started a group with my dear friend for mothers who have lost babies through miscarriage and still birth. Although not much has happened with it yet, just the planning to get it off the ground was much more on me emotionally than I thought it would be.
Again I need to run, I have a list to get done. Hopefully having my home in order will give me more time to simply be, but it takes work to get it that way. So soon I will return, until then, pray, live, and love.......
Amber