Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I Miss.....

There are so many things I am missing tonight.
A dear friend of my mom's. She is a wonderful, and dare I say, very feisty woman of God through my teen years. I was just gleaning so much wisdom from her, through her blog. It amazes me almost to tears how much I have missed her. It has been about 6 years since I have seen her, and I still miss her so badly some times.
Bible study is also a great "miss" of mine lately. Last year I attended a Beth Moore bible study with a friend. It was such an experience. I love learning. I love being brought to a passionate place with my God. I love being challenged. Bible study does that for me. I also miss the relationships you have in a women's bible study. I miss so much about that time.
I miss debating with my husband. Deep conversations that could go on for hours. After being married for almost six years life can sometimes be more about surviving than living. I miss that time in our relationship that was new and intellectual not just every day normal.
I miss being creative. I could be still, I know that. You just stop though. After a while my life just became to busy. My focus became more about taking care of people than about nurturing the writer/chef/craftswomen/fashion artist/ect... in me. I miss that.
I miss working out. Oh yes, you heard me right. I am a fat woman that loved to work out. I miss the feel of muscles stretching. I miss the thrill of my heart pounding in my chest, and every part of me-even the ones I didn't know I had- being sore the next day. I miss that! (Don't tell me to get up and do it-that doesn't seem to work.)
I miss living a slow simple life. Not being busy all the time. Not going constantly. I miss having my day free. Free of appointments, and things that need to be done, and thoughts that won't stop racing in my mind. Free of my long list of things to do. I know that you all feel what I'm talking about here.
There are so many things that I miss in my life. Yet, I am blessed. For all the things I miss there is something I can be grateful for. That doesn't change the fact that I want the things I miss. It just means I have other things to be joyful about. It means that when I say I miss my baby in heaven, I can still be joyful for my Lily on earth. It doesn't change how I feel about one, it just increases the joy I have for the other thing in my life. It's not always easy to remember to be joyful when you are missing something you have lost. It is growth.
Well, it's late, and I'm not sure this made sense to anyone, but thanks for listening.