Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What NOT to Tell a Woman with Secondary Infertility

At least God blessed you with one child.....

Yes, we understand that. We love our child, but that does not mean we don't want any more. It is possible to be happy with what God has given you, and desire that He would bless you with more.

Since you aren't using them could I borrow your maternity clothes, baby clothes, crib, etc.

No we are not using it right now, but those things hold memories of what is now a difficult thing, hope of what could be, and hurt to see others use them when we desire to use them!

But aren't you so glad you don't have to change diapers, breastfeed, stay up all night etc.

Those things are a comfort when it is something so hard to obtain.

Just think of all the things you can see, places you can go, money, time, and sanity you can keep

It would be worth giving all those up.

Well, at least you know you can get pregnant.

Obviously, we know that I HAVE gotten pregnant, and obviously we know that I CANNOT get pregnant again or it would have happened by now.
(This is an even worse statement when the couple has miscarried as then the reply becomes....obviously we know my body can't keep a baby alive)

At least you are lucky enough to have friends/family/co workers etc who share their babies with you.

Yes I am very blessed when they choose to let me love their sweet children, but I am also reminded of what I have not been blessed with. In the end, I still have to give their baby back,and go home with out my own. (To the woman who has so graciously shared her sweet boys with me, who allows me to love them. Please know that I would never, never trade that! They do bless my life. Even though I am not blessed in the ways we would want, I would be heartbroken if I could not love on them!!) I hope that makes sense.

You will have another one someday.

Please do not give me false hope. I may someday be blessed with another child, but if I am not then your hope is only a lie to my heart.

I do not mean any of these things to be harsh or hurtful. These are things I have experienced people telling me, some in the most sincere way. I am not judging you in anyway if you have said these things, I just want to make people aware of the hurt they can cause, and hopefully give them pause before speaking these things. No matter how lovingly they say them.

No comments: