A Gift

At the beginning of this year we were very briefly pregnant. We knew about our precious baby for less than one week before God called him home. So much has come out of this. Some good, and some not so good stuff has been in my life because of this tragedy. This is not what I want to tell you about right now, someday, just not now. This was necessary to tell you though, in light of what is really coming in this post.

I have a beautiful daughter, Lilly. I was never supposed to be able to get pregnant. We refused to fully give ourselves over to this brilliant diagnoses, It took three years into our marriage, but we finally got the two lines on the test. We had waited so long and gone through so much to see those two lines. I have never forgotten what a gift my Lily is. It is a wonderful act of God that she is even here.
Of course there are times that she drives me nuts. Times I don't want to be around her. That has never changed the fact that she is a gift to me from my all powerful God.
Losing my baby this year has again helped make that clear(not that I had ever forgotten). Thinking that I would have two wonderful, mischievous children to care for was an exciting blessing to think about. All that was gone so quickly, and then I was back to only having one baby to care for. This makes a mama realize very quickly that every child is a precious gift. That at any time your life could change, and that which means the most to you can be taken away. Savoring the time you have is important. Sometimes with children, especially young ones, we don't always remember that the time we spend with them is the most important time in life. God has given us our children as gifts, and sometimes we take that for granted. Sometimes we don't always realize what a gift that is.
My daughter, may not always be here. She has already had a lot thrown her way (more on that later). She could also be called home at any time.
Right now she is with me. God has given this gift to me to take care of. To lead to Him. To hold.
It's so easy to get wrapped up in the day, and work, and life, and mostly ourselves. We must remember that our children are gifts. That these gifts are not only a part of us, but a part of God.
Let's be careful to remember what a gift he has given us. Treat your gift with care. God gives you something very precious when he gives you a child, weather it's once or ten times. Each child is a gift. Losing one helps you see that. For those of you who have never lost a child, I pray He helps you see that with out the pain.
Because realizing that your child is a gift from God to you, one of the most beautiful gifts He gives, will change your life. It will change the way you see your child, your life, and the world. Seeing your child as a gift will change you, it's a good change.
Each child is a gift.

The Same God

God never changes. He is still the same God he was before this.

Life changes. We change. Things happen in our lives that sometimes can make us feel as though God is different than he once was.
Truth is, He is still the same God during, and after our hardships as he was before them.
He is still just as powerful, even if he didn't stop the hurt from coming.
He is still right beside you, even if you feel alone.
He still has plans for you, even if you don't like the way that looks in your life right now.
He is still in control.
He is still provident.
He still knows what he is doing.
He still loves you.
He is the same God that He has always been.
He is still the same.

I thought this was going to be longer, but I guess simple truth doesn't have to go on and on. I'm sure if I thought about this more I could continue writing, but for now I just wanted to share.

Why?

My first post was not supposed to be like this. I had such high hopes that the first time anyone read anything of mine that it would be encouraging and enlightening.

Things change so quickly. Last night a very dear friend of mine started miscarrying. This hard, cold world is now a bit bleaker because her heart is hurting.
I cry out to our Maker with questions. Questions that will go unanswered because God does not always reveal the "why" that we ask so many times in our heart. So now I am left wondering, how do we go on after a loss so great? How do we as Christians live for Him in the mist of our pain, not knowing why we are allowed this pain in the first place.
My simple, short answer is: I don't know.
Yet, if I were to look deeper I would see that even though we will aways ask why, God will always be there to comfort. He sees deeper into us than we could ever imagine. When we cry God is already crying with us. When we hurt, He is bent over with our pain. When we lay in bed with the agony upon us, God is laying right beside us. God knows that we will always cry out for the unknown reasons to be revealed. Even when he choses not to show us the 'why' He will always be beside us to sit in the quiet. To listen to our hurt and heal us if we let Him. He knows the anger and fear. He is not afraid of our screaming. He is just relived that we come to Him. Even if our coming to Him happens to bring the rage inside. He is always ready to seep into the crevasses of our broken hearts.
He does not heal us in an instant. There would be no greatness in that. There would be no drawing closer, nothing gained. Grief does not come with out darkness, but it comes with hope in the end if we let our Daddy do the healing.

To my dear friend, I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry for this thing that has broken you, left you hurting. I am sorry you will not hold your baby on this earth. If I could change it I would, but I can't, so please rest in your Daddy's arms. Although He could have prevented your hurt, He is also capable of healing your pain, and bringing you to a place that makes you more beautiful than you already are.
I am praying for you tonight. I love more than life.