I live in a world of fear. Fear of others, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, but I do not want to know! Fear of war, famine, sickness, and the penniless life. This is not what I fear, although sometimes it would be nice to have a few more pennies in my pocket.
I fear never being anything. Never succeeding at the things that matter to me.
I fear succeeding, then discovering that accomplishment is not what I wanted it to be.
I fear being worthless, or even worse someone that is a failure.
Some one that had some worth, and then became nothing.
I fear not trying hard enough.
I fear trying hard but never getting anywhere
I fear messing up others lives.
Ruining relationships, and taking advantage.
I fear making others a failure by my influence...others like my daughter.
I fear reaching the end of my life and only being remembered for a short time as the woman who never got over her crap.
I want my life to matter. I fear it won't.
2 Timothy 1:7
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline
If I want to matter I must replace my fear with God's power, His love and Self-discipline. I must live these things out. I must live in His power, show His love, and live as a self-disciplined christian because in the end, that is what matters. Him not me. Christ being shown successfully, not my desires. His love being lived out daily, through the power and discipline He equips me with. That is the life that truly matters.
Oh to stop living my life of fear, and self doubt. Oh to live His life of love! This is what matters.
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