Friday, April 9, 2010

Do you.....

I came here to blog. Partly because I haven't posted in so long that I am starting to feel guilty. Partly because I desire to write, and seem to have nothing better to do right now. There is also a little bit of me that can't get all my thoughts in order, and I feel like if I were to write then I might be able to organize those thoughts. Honestly though I am not sure my thoughts will ever be in order.
I have this distinct feeling that I am on an amusement park ride that won't stop, and I can't get off. I have stated over the last few days that I feel the only way I am going to be able to slow down would be if I were committed. Really though I just need to listen to the Holy Spirit, to my body, and to logic.
I am not very good at any of that! Are you?

There are so many topics running through me right now. What do I tell you about? Do I tell you about the passover seder that my husband and I hosted last week? Do I tell you about this amazing, and godly woman that I helped out, and how she inspired me? Do I tell you about the challenge that God gave me to read Ezekiel, and about how much I totally do not understand it, and therefore really suck at following through?

How about my struggles in the last few weeks? The struggle of not getting pregnant when a lot of others are? The struggle to teach my daughter something as simple as her letters! I am a writer at heart, and I can't even teach the alphabet! Or the struggle of comparing her to her best friend and feeling like a failure as a mother and role you really want to read about all my dirt?? Do you really want to read about my HUGE struggle with being HUGE???? My struggle with diet, and exercise and comparing myself? Do you really want to hear about the PCOS and how it rules my life? About how much I hate it, and how much it hurts, and how much I hide it from EVERYONE?

Do you want to read about my hopes? My dreams? My favorite things in life? Do you want to read about my loves?? My desires, and all the things I want to someday do, and experience and be?

Well, I am sure you don't want to read my rant any longer. I am sorry. Perhaps it is time for bed....or at least a good long soak in the Word.


The Schmidts said...

actually, your "rant" was refreshing, because i'm right there with ya.

"I give you peace, the kind of peace that only I can give. It isn't like the peace that this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid." John 14:27

Amber Stoneburner said...

Thanks Rach~ I had a really hard time posting this, I kept telling myself that I had just posted the worst blog post in the history of my blog. It just seemed really worthless. I like my writing to be beneficial. So to hear that God used it for you makes me feel more at peace about posting it.

Thank you also for the verse. I will be meditating on it through out the week!