This is how I feel at this very moment. Only pull.
It has been a day of ups and downs. Good, slow, simple moments interrupted by stressful, disobedient, lonely moments. I wonder what it is that I am doing wrong? Why this struggle of maintaining a peaceful life ( 1 Peter 3:11 Turn away from evil and do good Search for peace, and work to maintain it.) and the rhythms of grace
( Matthew 11:30 Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.")
Oh to live freely and lightly! What leads me away from the quietness I so long for?
I am not firmly set. That is my biggest problem. My feet sink and slide, allowing me to be pushed and pulled in every direction. I don't see who I am or what I am to be doing with myself, my time. So I allow myself, my time, to be thrown about aimlessly. Only to hit and miss what my Father is asking of me.
I am not firm in Him, seeking Him for my every movement. Leaning towards His voice for my daily instruction. I seem to take a hit and miss approach for that too.
My heart beats wildly in panic as I try to gain control of the chaos around me. As I rush from one thing to the next attempting to fulfill my idea of what my place in this world should be. The idea that seems to be handed to every woman out there: keep busy, keep moving, there is no stopping, no rest. It's your job to keep running.
But is it really? Or should I be still? Planted firmly in my Father for my steps to be chosen my Him? Even the small filling the dishwasher, daily jobs, day in and day out steps. Should I be daily taking my cues from the whisper of His spirit in my ear? Seeking Him with my every move to make sure that all my steps are given by Him? Father when will I understand that my every move should be a response to the sound of your voice in my life? When will I see that the only steps I should be taking are toward you? That all my moments are meant to be given back to you? Teach me that.
(This was taken directly out of my personal journal.)
On another note: Ann Voskamp writes the blog Holy Experience. I have found her writing to be nothing short of the Father speaking grace through her words. She just released a book: One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Freely Right Where You Are. I could tell you about it, but she does a much better job at that! Please watch the video. I did not plan for it to go with this post, but Father knows what He is doing! I hope it challenges you. Enjoy.
One more note: There are still changes coming to this blog-even still the possibility of a blog address change. I have just been slow going at this, as I have still been seeking what God wants me to do in this space.