God is Stirring, but I Can't Focus!

God is stirring my life up. He is stirring my heart. It's amazing how you can be hit with the same thing from every angle when God is trying to share it with you.

I currently have a whiteboard in my home with a list of topics I want to post about. There are eight things on that list, and several more in my head. Yet, there is no focus in there to tell you about all things on my heart. I sat here at my computer for over an hour last night just trying to get my thoughts collected so I could write. It didn't work. So for now I will give you a post of randomness, and perhaps that will clear my head.

Brian has been off work for almost two months now. He separated his shoulder. How? you say. I have no idea. There are things that are suspect but nothing that flips the light switch on! So, we have not had an income for most of this time. AH! God is teaching me, and prodding me to trusting him more and more. He knew it would have to be something big to work on my trust issues. But seriously, I'm ready for this training session to end!

Lily is more fun, and bold, and challenging :) everyday. She is growing, and learning, and testing her limits. Yay! She is more and more of a little girl and less of my baby every day. :( Sometimes I think she is just to smart for me, and I become baffled every time she tries to reason with me. I try to use the bible to instruct her when she is doing wrong, and she has started to turn it back on me. Yikes!

My days are different now. With my husband home, and my daughter needing more of me I struggle with routine, and grasping a normal day. As I write this, I am also trying to tune out the fact that I no longer have my quite days. I have a husband who likes to fill silence (tv, xbox, music, idol chatter) and a daughter that is very much off her routine as well. I do my work when I can, but I feel counteracted. I think, pray, read, and write when I can. Not often.

Although, we had a week with out internet, and it turned out to be a blessing. I spent that time catching up on reading. I still have about 10 books left in my pile, but I got 3 down in that week!

Today, we are going to meet friends for an evening at the pond, a bonfire, and a picnic. Relaxing! So I should really be preparing for that. I wish I could focus more. I wish I could share my thoughts, and all God is teaching with you more clearly. Soon. I hope.

Psalm 118:28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks

Psalm 37:7 Rest in Jehorah and wait patiently for Him. Do not fret...

Growing and Giving-A Legacy

Two months ago I went with my mother and grandmother 45 minutes south to visit my grandparents on my dad's side. They haven't been well for quite some time, and we wanted to see them. I went with an additional reason. Rhubarb was in season, and I had a craving! My grandparents are the only ones I know that grow it to it give away, and I was so blessed for it! They don't really cook anymore, and could have gotten rid of it. Yet they kept it, to give.

I looked around their property as they pointed things out. The onions they still grew. The sage was coming up too. The fish, and forget-me-not pond. The flowers that were everywhere. My grandparents grew. It's what they did most of their life. On their property. In their home. In their greenhouse. In their flower shop. They grew and gave. They still do.

It was right about the time that I was enjoying, and feeling blessed by all they grew that I realized not to long from now, sooner than I can imagine it would all be gone. My grandparents would be gone. I started thinking when that happens who will grow and give? My whole family has lived off the things they grew. A garden when I was young supplied us with veggies. At some point every year my mother has gotten flowers. I have made pies with the fruit. Aunts, cousins, and neighbors have all been blessed. Who would continue? Who would carry this blessing on?

I then realized that this was part of their legacy. They grew and gave. This is what has been handed down through generations. This is what was taught to my Dad, Aunts, Uncles, and even me. To grow. To give. This is how they showed love. They fed the hungry with their produce, and gave beauty to the weary with their flowers. They love. What an amazing legacy. What an honor!

I already grow sad for the day when I can no longer go to them for their love. Both love in life, and love in what they grow and give.

I wondered too as I stood there, what would my legacy be? Would I one day grow and give also? There is no one else in the family to get Rhubarb from. Would I show love in such a simple and beautiful way? Would I be remembered by my grandchildren for all that I did with creation? No matter what my legacy is, I hope that one day it means as much to my family as my grandparents legacy means to me. Thank you Grandma, and Grandpa Bocko for growing and giving your love.

Linking Up

These are some posts that have really spoken to me lately, or were just plain fun! I thought they might encourage some of you, so I have linked them up here:

Oh Be Careful Little Eyes is based on the children's song, but is very convicting on an adult level! She gives you verses to tell you what God says about all your many parts :)

Scrambling for Garbage will really make you step back and take a look at what you are feeding yourself in a spiritual way. I was repulsed to think of all that I feed myself while calling it food!

Completing Him Challenge Want to bless your husbands? Here is a fun post with different projects to bless him. I know that there are many programs out there for blessing your man. I just finished a fairly popular one, but ladies this looks fun!

Speed Praying Do we pray to fast? I really had to stop and think about this one!

Making your own Mayonnaise So I haven't tried this yet, but I totally want to~I think.

Matter of the Heart Some wisdom from a dear friend of mine!

Reusable Straws They are glass people! How fun is that? I love these...wish I had some!

Ok, I think I am off to watch a movie with my hubby. Hope you all have a blessed day!

My Day In Pictures

1. I read a few pages in a new interesting book. Check it out.

2. I watched my beautiful daughter do some dishes. Although more water ended up on her and the floor than anywhere else.


3. I organized sidewalk chalk. Fun feat I tell you!


4. Then I read blogs.


5. Then we listened to Pandora while finishing the cleaning.

6. Also we played with play dough. :)


7. We got to hang out with this guy....and his brother for the night.
8. Then came dinner! Corn on the cob, sweet potatoes, meatloaf, and watermelon! YUM!!
9. Then there was some climbing time :) from this little guy!

10. Then came some cuddling with "Uncle" Brian.....all that climbing must have been hard work!
11. Finger Painting! Need I say more???
12. Then time for some sleep. I love how he still holds his bottle even when he is pretty much out!

That's about all I have. So now I am off to rest myself!

What NOT to Tell a Woman with Secondary Infertility

At least God blessed you with one child.....

Yes, we understand that. We love our child, but that does not mean we don't want any more. It is possible to be happy with what God has given you, and desire that He would bless you with more.

Since you aren't using them could I borrow your maternity clothes, baby clothes, crib, etc.

No we are not using it right now, but those things hold memories of what is now a difficult thing, hope of what could be, and hurt to see others use them when we desire to use them!

But aren't you so glad you don't have to change diapers, breastfeed, stay up all night etc.

Those things are a comfort when it is something so hard to obtain.

Just think of all the things you can see, places you can go, money, time, and sanity you can keep

It would be worth giving all those up.

Well, at least you know you can get pregnant.

Obviously, we know that I HAVE gotten pregnant, and obviously we know that I CANNOT get pregnant again or it would have happened by now.
(This is an even worse statement when the couple has miscarried as then the reply becomes....obviously we know my body can't keep a baby alive)

At least you are lucky enough to have friends/family/co workers etc who share their babies with you.

Yes I am very blessed when they choose to let me love their sweet children, but I am also reminded of what I have not been blessed with. In the end, I still have to give their baby back,and go home with out my own. (To the woman who has so graciously shared her sweet boys with me, who allows me to love them. Please know that I would never, never trade that! They do bless my life. Even though I am not blessed in the ways we would want, I would be heartbroken if I could not love on them!!) I hope that makes sense.

You will have another one someday.

Please do not give me false hope. I may someday be blessed with another child, but if I am not then your hope is only a lie to my heart.

I do not mean any of these things to be harsh or hurtful. These are things I have experienced people telling me, some in the most sincere way. I am not judging you in anyway if you have said these things, I just want to make people aware of the hurt they can cause, and hopefully give them pause before speaking these things. No matter how lovingly they say them.