I have had several things on my mind today that I wanted to post. Unfortunately, this is not one of them. This may be just a rant. We'll see.
Lily has always had trouble sleeping. She doesn't go to sleep very well, and usually doesn't stay that way for more than a few hours before waking again. We have been working on getting her to go to sleep in her own bed, and then actually staying there. It seems like we have been working at this forever, with no progress. We have really tried to step that up here recently, because we are going away in two weeks, and Lily will be staying the whole weekend with my parents. She has never been away from us overnight.
So tonight, like every other, we put her to bed, and she got right back up. This happened again, and again, and again. Every time she got up, we put her right back to bed, after she not so happily faced her consequences of getting up in the first place. Also while putting her back to bed we would always talk to her about how she needs to listen and do what daddy, and mommy say. That this is obedience, and it's good to obey, God wants us to obey.
So this is a thought that ran through my mind tonight after telling her this, again, am I like my daughter when God commands me? Do I continually get up, and do the very thing that will bring me pain in the end? Does God bring me to a place that is good for me, and yet I get up, and go right back to what I want? Even though it will hurt. Even though it will not be best.
When I do not want to be where I am at I very rarely concider that maybe God put me here. Maybe God wants me here because it is best. When there is pain or concequences in my life I rarely concider that maybe it is because I have left the sometimes uncomfortable place God had me, and walked myself right into an even worse spot.*
That is what I see my daughter doing. I have placed her somewhere she doesn't really want to be, somewhere that she may not like. So she in turn gets up, and walks her self right out of it. Into what she wants. Which ends up leading to consequnces, always painful. Yet, even though I don't like these consequences any more than she does, we eventually come to the place I wanted/needed her to be all along.
In that place, she then finds comfort, rest, and peace. She grows, and flourishes there. I think if I were to be more obedient to God, and stay where he leads me, perhaps I too would find that comfort, and peace. Perhaps I too would grow.
This seems to be a very touchy subject in my mind. I am presently arguing with myself over some of the things I've said. Maybe I shouldn't post this, but I'm going to anyway.
One more thought: Does God get as frustrated with me as I do her?
*I am not talking about God punishing our disobedience. Some times there is pain in our lives because we are not following/obeying God and have stepped out from under him. As humans we can put ourselves in a place of hurt with our sin.
I also do not believe that all pain is caused by this. Sometimes we can be walking very closely with God, and still experience pain. Sometimes that pain is where he has us, and only He knows the reason.