So many words float through my head in a day's time.
Tired, stressed, worried, worn out, selfish, angry, distressed, alone, broken.
Quiet, peace, rest, hope, strength, simple, fresh, life, natural, redeemed.
For all the words that float in my head, some of these words seem to sink in my daily life. The words that I want to represent me seem to always sink to the bottom, while the ones I really don't want present in my life always seem to be floating right at the surface.
I am a selfish person, especially of late. I want things to be done my way, in my time. Heck, I want MY time. I am angry, and hurting. I don't understand all the things that happen. I want some things to be different, and get angry when I can't have it my way (again with the selfishness). I am tired, worn, and worried. So much has happened in my life, I just want a break.
I am alone, and broken. Oh there are people around me, all the time in fact. Yet I feel alone. I feel my pain is just....., that there is no one else to hold me up when I can't anymore. I like being alone, but this is a different kind of alone. Isolated. Sad. My brokenness sometimes consumes me. I feel like I have emotion in a cracked glass, leaking through. Sometimes I just wait for the pressure to shattered me completely.
I feel no peace.I long for peace. I live in a world where everything is busy, and stressful. I wish for quietness. I thrive in the quiet. The banging in my life seems to be getting louder and louder. I don't know what to do anymore. I am pleading, and crying out. In the end all I feel is more worn out than before.
Tonight I spent some time looking at some of these words. I used two sources: the Webster's dictionary, and God's words.
Brokenness in this sense is defined as: made weak, infirm.
I also found another definition: not complete or full. This idea of brokenness seems good to me, because if I am not complete that leaves room for God to really work on me. To make me full.
Peace according to Webster is a state of tranquility or quiet. Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions. To use interjectionally to ask for silence or calm.
Rest is a peace of mind or spirit.
Redeemed means: to by back, to free from what distresses or harms, and to change for the better.
Thank you God for all these great words that you can bring to my life! All of these meanings speak to my spirit, they nourish my soul. I am in waiting for God to bring these things into my life. For I know my God can do anything.
His words say this:
These things I have spoken to you while being present with you. But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid.
He gives peace. It's not of this world, but of the spiritual world. His Holy Spirit was sent to teach and in that bring us peace. He tells me not to be troubled or afraid. Again He says:
You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth, And called from its farthest regions, And said to you, You are My servant. I have chosen you, and have not cast you away: Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you Fear not, I will help you.
Wow, God holds my hand. He upholds me with His hand. He will strengthen me, help me. He has chosen me, called me. Most importantly, He is with me. He tells me not to have fear. He tells me to not be dismayed.
There are so many words in my life. I want His words, His peace. His life flowing though mine. Upholding me.
This is the kind of peace I hope for in my life. God bring it about in fullness.
One more verse, one of my favorites, is Isaiah 61:3. I could talk so much on this one verse, but for tonight, I will just show it to you. Tell me what you think, and I will soon tell you my thoughts.
To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.